GIOVANNI POTAGE (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
soupervillain) wrote2020-08-04 12:24 am
soupervillain) wrote2020-08-04 12:24 am
Entry tags:
SCP written sample, aka Codename: Gionyanni
As Giovanni Potage snuck down the darkened halls of the Foundation building, keeping his breathing muffled and treading as lightly as his standard-issue Banzai Blaster boots would let him, he heard a noise.
"Gaah!" he gasped, spinning around in an attempt to locate its source. His shout echoed in the empty hallway - or, at least, it looked empty, but in a place like this... His mind rifled through all the horror stories he'd heard about the Foundation's charges. Could that noise have been the giant, ill-tempered lizard, escaped from its cell? Maybe the furry creature with the skull face who liked to sneak up on people? Perhaps even the one about which nothing was or could be known - maybe one of the things they didn't know about it was that it liked to eat people named Giovanni! As he cowered, breath bated, he heard it again.
"Meow," said the noise from the area of his feet.
"Oh," said Giovanni, looking down at the noise, which was a cat - a big, fluffy black cat with no collar, tags, or other indication of provenance. "Geez, you scared me, little guy! How'd you get in here?"
"Meow," said the cat enigmatically, winding around his legs. Giovanni leaned down to pet the top of its head as he continued.
"Look, we've gotta be really quiet, okay? I can't let the Foundation guys find out I'm back here! Something tells me they wouldn't like it if they found out I was trying to steal their junk. But come on - you hear about the kind of stuff they keep in this place? Super-sharp ninja swords, exploding baseball bats - what kind of Banzai Captain would I be if I didn't at least try?"
The cat made no reply as Giovanni scratched behind its ears. He suddenly experienced an overwhelming urge to renounce his life of crime and take care of this cat for the rest of his mortal days. "Whew!" Giovanni laughed, chucking it under the chin. "Nooo idea where that came from, but it'll take more than one extremely fluffy and adorable cat to get me to turn my back on the Banzai Blasters! Now, do you think the ninja sword section is to the right or the left?"
Giovanni blinked. It suddenly seemed to him that he was a lot closer to the ground than his six-foot stature generally allowed. He was, in fact, approximately eye level with the cat he had until a moment ago been petting. He looked at his petting hand, which was now tiny, covered in pink fur, and possessed of toe beans.
Well, okay. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on - which was lucky, because Giovanni Potage was no genius. "Did you just hit me with some kind of... cat epithet?!" he yelped at the cat, or tried to. What he actually said was, "Meow." The cat regarded him impassively.
Giovanni took stock of the situation. Sure, being turned into a cat hadn't exactly factored into his plans for tonight. And if someone spotted him, it would be a lot harder to bean them with his Soul Slugger Doom Bat, given that he didn't exactly have hands. But maybe this could work to his advantage. Cats were sneaky, right? And no one would suspect a cat of trying to steal super-dangerous classified artifacts. Yes, the more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that everything was going according to plan. Soon, that ninja sword would be his! All his! EVIL!!!
(An hour later, Giovanni spontaneously turned back while in the process of squeezing his way through an air duct. He had a lot of explaining to do.)
"Gaah!" he gasped, spinning around in an attempt to locate its source. His shout echoed in the empty hallway - or, at least, it looked empty, but in a place like this... His mind rifled through all the horror stories he'd heard about the Foundation's charges. Could that noise have been the giant, ill-tempered lizard, escaped from its cell? Maybe the furry creature with the skull face who liked to sneak up on people? Perhaps even the one about which nothing was or could be known - maybe one of the things they didn't know about it was that it liked to eat people named Giovanni! As he cowered, breath bated, he heard it again.
"Meow," said the noise from the area of his feet.
"Oh," said Giovanni, looking down at the noise, which was a cat - a big, fluffy black cat with no collar, tags, or other indication of provenance. "Geez, you scared me, little guy! How'd you get in here?"
"Meow," said the cat enigmatically, winding around his legs. Giovanni leaned down to pet the top of its head as he continued.
"Look, we've gotta be really quiet, okay? I can't let the Foundation guys find out I'm back here! Something tells me they wouldn't like it if they found out I was trying to steal their junk. But come on - you hear about the kind of stuff they keep in this place? Super-sharp ninja swords, exploding baseball bats - what kind of Banzai Captain would I be if I didn't at least try?"
The cat made no reply as Giovanni scratched behind its ears. He suddenly experienced an overwhelming urge to renounce his life of crime and take care of this cat for the rest of his mortal days. "Whew!" Giovanni laughed, chucking it under the chin. "Nooo idea where that came from, but it'll take more than one extremely fluffy and adorable cat to get me to turn my back on the Banzai Blasters! Now, do you think the ninja sword section is to the right or the left?"
Giovanni blinked. It suddenly seemed to him that he was a lot closer to the ground than his six-foot stature generally allowed. He was, in fact, approximately eye level with the cat he had until a moment ago been petting. He looked at his petting hand, which was now tiny, covered in pink fur, and possessed of toe beans.
Well, okay. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on - which was lucky, because Giovanni Potage was no genius. "Did you just hit me with some kind of... cat epithet?!" he yelped at the cat, or tried to. What he actually said was, "Meow." The cat regarded him impassively.
Giovanni took stock of the situation. Sure, being turned into a cat hadn't exactly factored into his plans for tonight. And if someone spotted him, it would be a lot harder to bean them with his Soul Slugger Doom Bat, given that he didn't exactly have hands. But maybe this could work to his advantage. Cats were sneaky, right? And no one would suspect a cat of trying to steal super-dangerous classified artifacts. Yes, the more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that everything was going according to plan. Soon, that ninja sword would be his! All his! EVIL!!!
(An hour later, Giovanni spontaneously turned back while in the process of squeezing his way through an air duct. He had a lot of explaining to do.)